You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Idk if I want to put a bra on
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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