I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
