So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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