I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
