It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
