I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
another moral hangover. fuck.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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