I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When did angry sex become our thing?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
