In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
