i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
