After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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