yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
