I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
