I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
