if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
