I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
