sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
