She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
