i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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