eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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