apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
