I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
