I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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