I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
