is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
