lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
