Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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