my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
