WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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