Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
