Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
