His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
