I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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