I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
too bad you live with your parents still
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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