Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
