just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You don't make any sense
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