I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
