question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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