Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
