There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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