Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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