btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
