If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
