..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
