Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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