Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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