i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
