I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
