I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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