...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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