Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
