i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
