My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish you could order shots online.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
