The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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